Wednesday, November 18, 2009
All about balls
Let me just say that I am a moron. Trust me.I'll explain how later- but first lets get to the balls.
Last night was D&D night. The one night a week I try and hold my own at a gaming table with 6 guys and roll some dice.
I usually have a brash sense of humor and can usually say stuff to make the guys stare at me in disbelief that such a dainty and sweet lady could say such things.
cough
Well, last night our friend told me about these strap on balls a female can buy to wear around.
All last night at the table I tried to figure out why the hell anyone would buy those.
I can't understand why any female would want hairy sweaty balls shoved inbetween her legs. WANT!
I don't even understand how a man can stand them- if they had the choice I assume a man would get rid of his balls (not figuratively- you can still be strong manly ballsy men without them sticking to your leg).
So all night I tried to figure out why the hell women would want these.
And the guys tried to explain to me that it was like those idiotic truck balls. Which made everything more confusing.
It wasnt until I went to bed and laid down that it dawned on me. You don't wear these balls under your clothes- but dangle them for "decoration."
See? I'm a moron.
I was trying all night to figure out why a female wanted to walk around with balls betwixt her legs.
I still don't get why a female would want ball accesories dangling off her other than a joke and to embarrass her husband in public- but at least now I understand they're for decoration....
Sunday, November 15, 2009
You're ugly because you're ugly
Dear woman at church today:You are not ugly because of your mullet of frizz.
You are not ugly because of your 20 inch thick glasses from the 80s.
You are not ugly because of the hairs on your chinny-chin-chins (all 4 of them).
You are not ugly because you let a blind and lazy man dig through the trash and dress you.
You are not ugly because you're a mouth breather and have a constant look of "derrr" on your face.
Oh no. You are ugly because of your actions.
You are ugly because when a little toddler girl in the pew across the aisle from you started to be, well, a toddler you sneered at her with such hatred. Toddlers aren't known for being able to sit quietly for longer than 2 seconds- let alone an hour long mass. A mass filled with a bunch of old men and women yapping- while we sit on hard, wooden, pews. What child can sit quietly through that?
So when she started to be a child and you snapped your head toward her and gave her the stink eye- and gave her parents the stink eye- you then became the ugliest person in the room.
If you snap a look at a child because she was being a child- and you, for a moment, couldn't hear the priest talk about god's word... how then, I wonder, will you be able to hear God's word outside of church when all of life's distractions come in?
Friday, November 13, 2009
Teddy's 1st birthday and haircut
My baby is officially 1 year old. And his baby hair- the hair he was born with is cut off (and in an envelope).sniff
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
I'm doing lots of bullets these days...
I like hving boys- every day is new and exciting. If only Stephen were 3 years old... it wouldn't be so weird when he humps the air in the kitchen. Hehe.
Thursday, November 05, 2009
I think I need to go to Walmart tonight after the kids go to bed to relax.
Relax. At Walmart.
You heard me.
I'm choosing Walmart over my kids. Something is seriously wrong with me.
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