Thursday, January 21, 2010
Stealing is wrong?.. Really?I always tell Stephen that if I could get away with it I would try and kill someone, just to see what it feels like.
See if it feels the same as when I butterfly a chicken.
But I know it won't feel the same as when I buy meat it's already cleaned for me. Blood is gross and I don't like it.
That's not the only reason why I wouldn't kill someone, I just find it interesting.
I wonder if putting a knife in someone would be as easy as when I had to inject myself with a needle when I had gestational diabetes. That was surprisingly easy- the needle went in like my skin like butter.
But don't worry- I'm pretty sure everyone has these psycho thoughts. Right?
With that being said maybe people won't find this next bit all that crazy.
So I don't think stealing is all that bad. Shhh, just stick with me for a minute. I'm not talking about the selfish and stupid act of breaking into someone's home and taking what isn't yours. But there are exceptions to every rule, and grey areas to almost every area of life. I think stealing has a lot of grey areas.
Stephen and I were watching Dexter and on one episode a man was stealing copper pipes from an old and abandoned building to sell. I thought that was brilliant.
Who's more selfish- the people who won't reuse the pipes and will just toss them, or the ones who will reuse them? No one is using them now and they'll go to waste. So why not take them to get some money in these troubling economic times? It makes sense to me.
But see, I usually have the mind set of "ooh! Free!"
Like when I was younger and there was nasty dirty jelly bean on the floor of the grocery store. Did I think- "gross" or "not mine?" No, I thought- "Oooh! Candy! For free!" and ate it.
(oh shut up, like you never ate anything off the floor).
I guess I still have that mind set. Like when I saw someone had put a cart away but forgot their soda. Now that's bordering. Cause at first it's like "mmm, soda... for free!" but then it's like "well they're going to come back and want it and it's not mine..."
That's not a very good example. I didn't take the soda btw.
I think I view some things as- you know how people when you're visiting their house they'll offer you a drink? It's like the universe is offering you some stuff.
The problem is that there's all this red tape around it. And I can't say it's ok for everyone- because I only know how I think. I think most people are selfish and do things for selfish reasons.
I can't say stealing is bad- but I certainly won't say it's ok, but only because I don't trust anyone but myself.
I think I scared my inlaws with this post. Don't worry- I'm not a thief- just another wacked out liberal with fucked up thoughts. But you knew that already. :)
Nothing better than scrubbing shit off walls!Yesterday was... interesting.
The boys and I got to Gymboree for Paul's school skills class, and Teddy's level 3 class- early! I'm rarely late, but I prefer to be early rather than "on time." So I thought to myself- oh great! It'll be a good day!
Yeah, I should've known better.
After running home to give Teddy a nap, fold laundry and play some Sims I ran back to Gymboree to pick up Paul. Apparently he was having a great day and did everything his teachers asked.. yay! Ok, I should've known that was a sign that Hell had opened it's gates, but you know- you gotta be all supportive and say "good job buddy!"
So with smiles on our face we left and headed home. Only we got 2 seconds out and my car just decided to slow down to a stop. On a hill. Oh goody.
I some how made it further out before I had to pull it over and called Stephen.
Now, I'm not sure how this happened- but all of a sudden a firefighter came and offered his assistance. I was out there for like a minute.
Anyway, long story short- it was a problem with the computer, I had a fucking week left on my insurance- so my car is fixed! Barely under warranty (hooray for free!) and they also washed my car and gave my chocolate!
The whole car wouldn't have been that bad if not for the fact that during his nap Paul rubbed poop on his light switch, wall, bed, and toys.
For those of you already thankful you don't have kids. Be extra thankful now. Cleaning poop off stuff fucking sucks.
Sunday, January 17, 2010
I never said my blog was for kids....in fact I state quite clearly its not.
There. Let's quit the yapping and get to it! Weee!
So Stephen and I watched the first episode of Dexter tonight. OMFG. First off- amazing show. And yes we're a bit late jumping on the band wagon, but that's how we roll. Foo'
But this blog isn't about the show or it's interesting plot line or it's quirky sense of humor. Oh no- it's about how I'm attracted to serial killers. Not... really. No.
I wouldn't exactly say that. Let me clarify.
Smart guys with a twist of evil. There, that's better.
Some women like powerful men who are assertive and get promoted and all that. Some women are drawn to that beefy guy who isn't afraid to cry.
Me? I like those smart and nerdy guys who find things like blood, death, etc fascinating.
I'm sitting there watching Dexter thinking "Ok, I don't think I could be in like a relationship with him- oh but I'd totally bang him." especially when he starts obsessing about how the serial killer is leaving the victims with no blood and he gets that glint in his eye... ooooh!
side note- we've only watched the first episode so shut up!
I mean, I'm attraced to Darth Vadar. Not Han, not Luke... oh no. I want the one that will blow up your home planet.
Maybe that's part of the reason I'm attracted to Stephen. Not that he's a serial killer or will blow up Earth or something.
He's just twisted enough for me like, but not so much it's a danger. Some people may find our humor odd- but damnit we think we're hilarious!
When I had my first miscarriage he suggested I walk around like nothing happened and keep talking about the baby as though I were still pregnant.
I'm pretty sure if I die before him at my funeral he's going to say some crap that I would find hilarious, and in a way comforting.
You see- just slightly twisted. And I find that to be a pretty big turn on.
So Dexter can keep on collecting his blood samples.
Yes my precious... blood samples.
Oh and if you could do that breathing thing like Darth Vadar too that'd be great.
Friday, January 15, 2010
Must... have... water...I think I may go crazy here soon. I'm absolutely craving the beach.
No, not just because I've been stuck inside because of snow since Christmas. This goes far deeper and beyond a serious case of cabin fever.
I was born and raised in CA, and also lived for a few years in VA Beach.
I don't know if it's because I'm a July baby Cancer crab or what but I crave living by water. It goes so far beyond the luxery of living near water. Towns on water, especially beach towns, are different. I crave a town with that relaxed and salty bite in the air. I want to walk down the street and see that someone has painted a giant sun on their trash can and painted their house a bright blue.
I want the sound of the water and fog horns to lull me to sleep.
I wish I could explain in words just how much I need this stuff- not just the above mntioned. I can't express it in words I suppose.
Sure, lots of people like living near water- it's probably why it's prime and expensive real estate. But I'm among the few who actually crave it.
It's hard for me to be living in the Mid West. It's not that it's the Mid West- I like my town. I do. I love it. But being surrounded by land on all sides makes me feel claustrophobic and sad.
There's no way we will ever be able to afford to live on the water. I know this is my unquenchable thirst and it will always be that way. But oh good golly do I miss living on the edge of our country.
I want Stephen to be happy- and he is. This is his home. He loves his town. And I agreed that we'd settle down here- probably too easily. But damnit he was deploying to Iraq and I probably would've agreed to a hell of a lot more, haha!
And I don't want to drive us to the poor house because I need water to feel complete. That's just selfish.
But it does sadden me that my kids are already 3 and 1 and they haven't seen the ocean yet. I'm sad they don't have the common luxeries I had growing up.
side note- no I didn't grow up on the ocean- but it was only an hour or so away
So I live in a state with land as far as the eye can see.
I hope my husband understand and appreciates that I gave up a big part of myself for him. :)
That and I can't complain to much- especially thinking about the tragedy in Haiti
Monday, January 04, 2010
Reasons for divorceI think there are very few reasons to geta divorce. Two actually. Abuse and cheating.
But lately I've been watching stuff about Jonestown and I realized I would divorce over a cult. I think if Stephen ever joined a cult I'd divorce him.
Ok yeah sure, I'm all for religious freedom- blah blah blah. It has nothing to do with that.
It has to do with the fact that cults are fucking crazy. You lose yourself- become brainwashed, and then when your "fearless" leader tells you to- you commit suicide.
Or watch as someone fills your baby's mouth with a syringe of tainted Kool-Ade.
It's a good thing Stephen and I have a strong sense of self.
Ok, I know Jonestown happened like 20+ years ago- but I just can't get over it.
I don't get how any parent can physically hold their child and kill them.
How this doesn't seem fucking reTARDED to those people flabbergasts me. Ok, so you can say that the people of Jonestown felt trapped. Their leader told them that their kids would be tortured and killed- that there was no way out. Like being surrounded by flames- you can kill your child quickly or let them burn to death.
But here's where hope is my downfall (ugh, I'm such a hippie). Even if the kids and I were surrounded by flames- no way out- I think I'd still hold on to that hope that we'd survive. Maybe that's why I truly believe I'd survive an end to the world blow.
Maybe it's selfish, but even if certain death was coming to my kids, I don't think it could ever be by my hand.
Yes, most parents probably feel this way- but really. If your kids were going to be burned to death, would you ease their suffering?
Now, that's not saying that the people of Jonestown were justified. Because there is just NO excuse for brainwashed stupidity. If they weren't brainwashed and stupid- that wouldn't have happened.
Maybe it's not hope but ego that would stop me.
I don't want to look stupid after the fact! I don't want people at our funeral to say "poor things, they could've gotten out...."
Which is why if Stephen ever got involved with a cult I'd pack the kids up an hightale it out of there! Sure we'd come back if he got help and was no longer associated with the cult.
And I'd expect him to do the same for me.
Some people wait until it's too late to save their kids- then "save" them by killing them. I'd save them by hauling ass and hiding them from any hint of a cult.