Sunday, May 31, 2009
My friends- some stupid, some fascinating...Every so often it becoms painfully aware the lack crap I have in common with my "dork" friends.
I am, with debate, smarter than some of my friends. I don't like calling people stupid... but I will.
Sometimes people have the attitude towards me that I'm just not smart enough- or at least as smart as they are.
But I'm the only one of my friends who's one through 2 pregnancies, and has 2 kids. My friends don't have kids- at all.
They don't understand and so are not sympethetic to the damage having kids does to one's brain and body.
I've never had anyone assume I didn't know as much as they did until I had kids.
It must be the blank stare. Or the gabillionth time I've said "wait, what's going on again?" - all due to kids.
I have time to read a book with out pictures in it once a year. I can't pa attention because one ear and eye is on the kids. And I'm thinking about "did they eat? He better not touch that cord... he touched that cord... I need to do laundry..."
Every else can carry on conversations with out all these distractions. And just because the kids are in bed doesn't mean my brain snaps back. It never will.
But because of all this I will always be percieved as r-tarded.
I shouldn't care. I really really really shouldn't. But sometimes I just want to yell at certain people and say "you don't fucking matter. You are a dumbass and will never be smarter than I am, so quit pretending like you are! Douchescicle!"
Then again there are people I know that just fascinate me.
There's this one chick I know who's a friend of a friend (we'll say that for privacy reasons). She's amazing. Lovely, and super dorky (around here that's a good thing) and friendly and did I say lovely? Yeah k, well she is.
I wish I had her cnverstational skills, and her dork skillz, and her hair (hehe).
Thus endeth the woe is me post. Blame it on the fact that my period is starting soon and I'm extra sensitive to this crap now.
Friday, May 29, 2009
Because you know you want to knowI love it when my Sims families are just fucking wack job crazies.
I have the most boring and normal life in real life- I need some alien abudction Jerry Springer type shit in games.
Ok, so I made my Self Sim (that would be me.. in game...), and I married a townie named Ratna Grove.
We had 2 children- first a boy- Kent, and a girl- Lali.
They grew up beautifully, both graduating from college, etc.
Kent is in love with a married man who isn't really speaking to him ever since Kent tried to put the moves on him one night. He's raising his cats (so far 4 with some kittens on the way) and is a pretty happy bachelor.
Lali married someone she knew in college- Colby- and they have 1 son, Jackson.
When Jackson was a toddler (and a few days from turning into a child) I, my self sim, died (boohoo).
A few days later Ratna fell in love with a friend of his- Emeralda. A chick with green lips who's younger than Lali.
They got married and she soon after got knocked up (in the elevator while Jackson's nanny cheered them on).
Jackson grew into a really cute kid. A few days later Emeralda gave birth to a little boy- Samuel. He's got his daddy's dark skin and his mommy's eyes.
And hour after Samuel was born (so like 5 seconds in real time) Ratna died.
Later that evening Colby and Kent returned home from work (they work together in the entertainment field). Colby thought to himself, I'll do some star gazing with my telescope.
Colby had *just* gotten a point of logic from looking through the telescope and I (their god) had my hand ON the mouse to make Colby go eat some of the berry pie Lali just made when a cutscene came on.
Colby is now in space, being abducted by aliens. We all know what that means- he'll be flopped down to Earth, rub his ass, scream and twinkling baby music will come on.
Yes yes- Colby, right now, is getting impregnated by aliens.
So Colby has a son older than one of his brother-in-laws, and a soon to be alien child.
Wiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii!Today- do laundry and by a crap ton of food.
Tomorrow- Wii party an BBQ! Yeah sucka!
side note: I finished the wedding photos, as soon as Kathleen and Carson look at them I'll post some
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
Shut up ass wipe
Seriously SE? I mean I need to be on What Not to Wear more than anyone and I think that outfit could've been a tad better. Seriously....
It's pretty damn funny- but omg am I glad I don't game with these people.
Even though I game with one or 2 people I think are worse.
I'll let all my gaming friends fight over who I think is the worst. Cause we all know I'm the best gamer ever and completely sane.
shut up you guys, lmao
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
Teddy has dry skin because I'm a horrible personSo it's no surprise that I take crazy lady meds. I don't exactly hide that fact and I'm not ashamed of it. I mean they're practically in a courier case in my house.
I started taking them after I had Paul and have been taking them ever since. When I was pregnant with Teddy I looked on the bottle- in big bold letters it says something about it maybe having weird effects on the baby or some crap like that.
Now I could've just stopped taking them. But if you know anything abot crazy lady meds you don't just stop taking them.
And I've been taking them for about 2 years now- they're in me and I'm not going to be "cleansed" of them any time soon.
So I kept taking the meds while pregnant- but did not breastfeed Teddy.
And Teddy has had a few problems- I know none of them are my fault, but it's hard not to think so.
-He swallowed a crap ton of amniotic fluid coming out (via c-section) and because of that he had to be on oxygen, and a feeding tube.
-Then he got jaundice
-He failed his first hearing test
-Now he has eczema. Like baaad.
I know none of these things are my fault, but it's hard not to feel bad every now and then.
But I know the consequences of me not taking my pills.
I mean my kids aren't evil demon spawns from nothing. They are my kids afterall.
At least on the pills I have less of an urge to scream things at them like "OMG! Shut up!" and "get out of my ass!" and "Yes! That's a bird! I heard you the first 500 fucking times!"
Ok, so I say that stuff- just minus the anger and cussing. Hehe.
Happy, belated, Memorial Day.
Fortunately I spent it with my husband and not visiting his grave.
I'm so morbid... but wouldn't you be thankful for that too?
Friday, May 22, 2009
More crap about my boobsI've been working out tirelessly for a while now and my thighs are still wacking together like 2 elephant seals while my boobies are quickly deflating.
Ok, so there's no milk in these fun bags so I get it- they're hibernating until they can be useful. But is there a reason for giant thighs? No, there is not.
In other news- I wish I could express the humor I have in real life on my blog. Cause in real life I'm a hoot. No really I am.
seriously... I am....
Thursday, May 21, 2009
How to be the bestest ever SAHM- like me!1) Don't ever clean the entire house at once.
I mean, why waste time and energy making the beds if your 2 year old is just going to jump all over them and mess them up?
2) Have a secret stash of chocolate. Trust me.
3) Don't dress the kids every day. Saves time, energy and water not having to wash all those pee/poop/spit-up/peanutbutter/applesauce stained clothes.
4) Get a laptop so you can fiddle around on the internet while the kids play in the backyard. I mean, I think my kids are cute but do I want to stare at them all day? Not really.
5) Sick of your kids crawling up your ass and pulling on your shirt? Dump out a box of crap- crayons, shapes, cars, whatever- and tell them to be a big helper and put them back in the box.
6) You can eat or drink anything you want and not have to share with the kids if you say it's "mama's special medicine..."
7) When in public go ahead and fart all you want- people will think the kids crapped their diapers. For an added bonus say "wooo! did you guys poop!? Stinky!" They'll think it's funny and you'll be in the clear.
8) There's no shame in locking them in their room for a few minutes. They'll calm down and so will you.
9) Get one of those dog gates. You know the kind you can snap together to make a big ole octagon.... set it up in the front yard and do what you need to out there.
They're also great for putting up around a Christmas tree, in front of fire place, etc.
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
A less boring blog (for Bill)Ok, I'm supposd to be writing a less boring blog- but my darling regular readers (all 1 1/2 of you) we all know that's impossible.
You'd think with 2 kids and being as fucked up in the head as I am I'd have something more exciting to say.
You'd think that wouldnt you?
There's a guy across the street from us who's mowing his lawn with one of those ride-em mowers.
Big deal? Well, not normally- if his lawn weren't an inch bigger than the mower itself!
Could you be any lazier? Who rides a fucking mower over like a foot of grass?!
I was 8 month pregnant and pushing the mower along through my yard!
Ok, so I only did a few lines before Stephen forced me back inside to go sit down.
Geez, he's a terrible husband! Heh.
But at least I was out there- doing my own damn work! I hate lazy people.
I hate it when people drive their car to go around the block. I hate it when people use those motorized carts when they don't need to.
I just really hate lazy people! Which is why I chose to be a SAHM.
Now, if you'll excuse me I need to go watch Tori and Dean and eat some chocolate chip cookies.
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
boinnnnng!I kinda want to move my blog to Word Press- but I'm too much of a dumbass to figure it out.
Why is it I can play computer games like no one's business but have to have Stephen set them up for me? Why?
Because I'm a dumbass, that's right.
Monday, May 18, 2009
This is just awesomeEvery so often I check my site meter to see who's been to blog and from where... and what sort of searches they use to find my blog.
Ive gotten everything from Bob Saget and the Olsen Twins to pig sex.
But this search by far is the best one:
movies about giants + butt sex
How did they KNOW?!
Because everyone is just dying to know...My blueberry, raspberry, blackberry and grape plants are coming along splendidly!
Stephen says I'm like an old woman.
So what if I want to knit a sweater that says I Love My Grandchildren! on it.
Sunday, May 17, 2009
They be shootin' me!
I miss it already.
I have got to stop getting so attached to inanimate objects.
See, the problem is that after we have our 3rd child Stephen and I are going to get fixed. But if I'm going to get fixed to where I can't have more kids no way in hell am I going to keep hving periods- soooo....?
Thursday, May 14, 2009
All about boobiesJust gotta say...
I love my boobies.
Hello Dr. Phil!There's this woman- a mom of a little girl in Paul's music class.
The little girl is adorable- a little bit into everythingbut only because she wants to help.
But her mom I swear has a 10 foot pole up her ass.
She freaks out like the world is going to blow up if the little girl doesn't sit down nice and quietly.
Ok- I'm al for disciplining your kids when they'e destroying things- but when they're just being kids and at the "I wanna help!" age- give them little tasks to do.
And this mom always talks to the young nannies and such about- well she just complains a lot.
This mom still wants to be young- in that annoying way. Not in the "I'm so full of life!" way. You know what I mean- the women who spend hours looking at a tiny wrinkle no one else can see and complain about it all damn day.
She's also an Army wife. Now, granted- I was never the best Army wife. But at least I knew upon meeting Stephen that he was in the Army and that I'd be married to a soldier.
I don't like change, much, so I had to learn to accept the uncertainty the Army gives. It's just a fact.
But this woman was complaining that her husband has been in for 18 years (longer than she's known him) and "doesn't have any plans to get out yet." Here she rolls her eyes and continues- "I keep telling him that if he would just get out we could settle down somewhere nice. I just want some predictability!" and when she said the word nice she looked around with this disgusted look on her face.
So when she said that Dr. Phil's voice rushed in my head.
Uhh, you knew he was in the Army when you met him. You should know by now that only thing certain in the Army is uncertainty.
Now, I'm not one to say "suck it up and get over it. You have to mold yourself into everyone else cause that's what you have to do..."
Not at all... however sometimes it's like- what the fuck! Just shut up! You're an Army wife- you knew you would be!
But I don't know their full situation so I should probably just shut up.
So no more yapping about her....
OMG did you see Lost last night?!?!?!?!
Monday, May 11, 2009
Surviving a tornado for my sister's weddingThis weekend my sister finally got married to her long time boyfriend.
Well I shouldn't say finally- they've been dating since high school and they're only 22 so it's not like they're 50 and finally getting married.
It's just nice that's finally official- we all knew they'd get married, and he's been a part of our family for a long time- just now it's on paper and official.
I'll get to wedding details in a bit, let me first tell you the story of how we had to be in the middle of a tornado to even *get* to the wedding.
So it's about an 8 hour drive from Kansas City to Nashville- oh but with 2 kids and weather it took us about 11 hours, haha!
It's odd how sometimes things just add up and come together perfectly. That's a big reason why I believe in God. Call it fate, call it coicidence- whatever- all I know is that had things not have gone the way they did we might not have been in a safe spot during the tornado and who knows what would've happened.
We were driving on I-57, a few miles from I-24 listening to my mp3 player (so no radio) when Stephen goes "woah." All of a sudden there was just all this debris around. Road signs were bent and twisted and things just looked odd. So Stephen goes "wow, it looks like a tornado just came through here."
Thend we went under an overpass and saw some people under it and all of a sudden a gush of wind came out of the trees from the right and wacked our car. It was like when there's a storm on the ocean and the waves hit really hard. It felt like a wave of wind. So Stephen pulled over, turned the radio on at 1:46pm.
The DJ said there's a tornado warning until 1:49pm. We hauled ass got the (sleeping mind you) kids from the car and ran under the over pass.
We were not prepared for this- no blankets, nothing to cover the kids up with anything.
Teddy was in his carseat and had his baby blanket. But I wearing flip-flops (which are crazy slippery in the rain) and a tank top, Paul didn't have any shoes on.
But thankfully there were people there that I swear were angels on Earth.
I didn't see their faces, or get there names but I will always remember them. A teenage boy, his mom in a blue checkered blouse and the dad in a white t-shirt.
We hopped over the rail, huddled under the over pass- Teddy's car seat between my legs, Paul under my chest being bear hugged by me. The woman in blue to my right, Stephen to the right of her, the dad and teenager to my left.
We'd barely put our heads down when it hit. I mean wind like I can't even describe.
Now mind you I'm a California girl- all I know of tornadoes is what I've seen on movies and heard about from my midwestern husband and dad.
It was a completely surreal experience- we still can't believe it happened to us.
Wind, rain and shredded leaves and grass came at us from it seemed like all directions.
Paul was screaming bloody murder. He was just terrified- understandably. And I had nothing to cover his face with- finally I shoved him under my shirt- I almost took it off, but this seemed the best- this way I could have him still close to me and he could feel my skin.
I mean, as a parent you think about disasters and think to yourself "man, I don't know what I would do." And then it happens and it's odd- you're not scared- you just *do it*.
You don't know your own strength- emotionally and physically- until stuff like this happens. I was holding down a screaming toddler (who wanted to run away from the weather around us) and an infant in a car seat with everything I had. I'm sure Stephen was near us and holding on, but to be honest I don't remember- I was using every fiber of my being to cover and protect Paul and Teddy.
There were spurts of calmness when the wind would stop. During one calm moment Stephen told me to give him Paul because the wind wasn't as bad on this side over the overpass.
It wasn't that I didn't want to give Paul to Stephen- it's that I didn't want to let him go.
That was one of the scariest things I've ever had to do- release my grip on my child during a tornado.
So me, the woman, and the man all huddled over Teddy. He wasn't really crying- but started to a bit so I shoved my finger in his mouth and me and the woman just kept saying "it's ok darling, we're ok" over and over again.
When it seemed like it was ending- I looked up and saw blue sky just *right there*.
So Stephen and I hugged and thanked the people we were with, loaded the kids in the car and drove to blue sky.
It was the most gorgeous weather- so sunny and bright and wonderful.
Our car was just littered with bits and peices of leaves and grass- they were on there so hard you had to scrape them off. They didn't just fall on our car- they hit our car with force. The 4 us looked like- well- we looked like we went through a tornado....
Driving Stephen was telling about how the people he was with had run to their car and gotten Paul a poncho to cover up with. The teenage boy at one point had given Paul his phone to play with. Stephen's glasses had blown off his face, and one man ran out and found them for him.
I am convinced that these people were angels planted there by God for us.
They let us keep the poncho- it is never leaving our car. Ever. It's our good luck poncho.
Stephen and I still can't believe that happened. It's just so unreal to us.
I am just so thankful that we went under that overpass when we did. That we saw the signs. That those people were there- everything fell into place.
I will blog about my sister's wedding and show photos at a later date- but we were the photographers and no way am I blogging about it and showing photos before the bride sees them! Hahaha.
Wednesday, May 06, 2009
D&D for little girlsLast night as we were playing our Tuesday night game of D&D a few ideas came to mind. One of course was how to destroy all the spider webs in the room without hitting any of my party members. But I couldn't do it as the only AoE attack I have is a close burst 3 and was immobolized in a web the entire fight.
Also I love looking at other's peoples' dice. I love my dice and am very picky about which to buy. They need to "speak" to me. I need to feel a connection wih them. And they need to be awesome and totally my style.
The first d20 I ever bought, hell it was the first dice I ever bought period, is a clear and sparkley d20 with black numbers. I love that thing.
Since then I've collected many more colors- some swirly, some sparkley, some plain- some given to be by my friends. Bubble gum pink ones from Scott, swirley turquoisey from David, etc.
I'm constantly thinking about what kind of dice I'd like to have. What colors, glittery or not, etc. And then it occured to me that at places like Hobby Lobby and Michaels they sell little kits for you to make your own soap, and candles, etc- so why not dice!?
Think about it! Why not have templates for each type of dice and a liquidy-plastic mixture and then you can add whatever color you want. Fuck, you could even add a scent if you wanted!
I think if I could make my own dice I'd make a line specifically designed for little girls like in their tweens to help them start playing D&D.
Every girl knows how and loves to play D&D she just might not know it yet- as playing with Barbies doesn't require you roll dice.
And speaking of Barbie dolls- that was another idea I had last night.
I've only played D&D using a mat (a big mat with squares) and I thought if they could make a huge one- one with bigger squares- you could play with your Barbies. You could get like stands for them- you could dress them in their Hobgoblin ass kickin' heels! Instead of wearing an "adventurers pack" she can hold her clutch.
Can you imagine a group of little girls all at a slumber party sprawled out on the floor with their Barbies on a mat, rolling their sparkly scented dice, making their Barbies kick the asses of some kobolds with their long legs?
Is it just me or does that not sound totally friggin awesome?!
Tuesday, May 05, 2009
That's just nastyYesterday I had to run around and get new tags for Stephen's car because SOMEone didn't do it and they've been expired since February.
and by someone I mean Paul. Damn kids are worthless!
Anyway, so as I was waiting for the car to be inspected at the cr fix it place I noticed a nail salon, so I thought "ahha! I shall brave the mighty metal dragons and get a quick manicure!"
You know how when you've got kids your hands are just in general sticky? And being out all day I didn't have much chance to wash them with soap and water (I have Purell in the car but I can't get that soap and water feeling of clean with that).
Ok, so this nasty ass place- she didn't even rinse or scrub my hands at all. She just started slathering on lotion. I wanted to die of disgust.
I think that's one of the most disguting things on the planet- lotion over dirty skin. Ew ew ew.
And she didn't even file my nails so they're still all jagged.
And then she clipped my cuticles and slapped on some clear polish (cause I didn't want a color).
And as I sat there in front of her drying my nails on the desk fan she had she took the cuticle clippers and started clipping HER OWN DAMN CUTICLES!!!!
Excuse me while I barf.
I know I can be pretty OCD about my hands and wash them a lot and lotion them up and such, but I think everyone can agree that's just really damn disgusting.
Lesson learned- if you find a nail place you like, stick to it and don't go venturing out.