Tuesday, April 28, 2009
ping ping pingThat's the sound my bullets make I've decided.
Of course I'll teach him he can't go around banging girls because things might just turn out ok. They might not.
Entering a new eraWhen I first started my blog way the frick back in 2004 I had to disclaimer myself every 2 seconds.
Since I'm gaining new readers now via facebook and twitter I feel the need to say this again.
Ok, uh, my blog! Don't like it? Fuck off.
MINE MINE MINE!
In other news, I sooo cannot figure out what flavor icecream to make. Chocolate with mint-fudge swirled in sounds yummy... but so does cookies and cream... damnit!
Monday, April 27, 2009
Why I hate college kids....A long long time ago I had this friend named Kristy. Yeah, same name different spelling. contain yourself more excitement is to come.
We were bestest friends. I mean to the point that if one of us were a guy, or we were both lesbians we would've gotten married. Or dated.
We adored and loved each other.
We'd talk about not just the future but ours. Being each other's Maid of Honors. Each other's kids calling us Auntie. And we'd be together forever.
So, for a while we didn't talk much. Life comes up. She was going to school full time in New York, I was working full time (and then some) in Nashville. I'd usually get home at 1am and that was too late for a chat session. We'd email, talk on the phone, etc. Still talking about when she gets out of school we'll find a place together and be like sisters- squee!
One day, a rare day I had off, I was flipping around on my computer and she was on- oh joy!
Did I explain to you that this was my best friend? Did I tell you I loved her?
Ok that sounds like sappy ass song... ugh. To the point.
Long story short it turns out that she was in college now. Which meant I was too "immature" for her. Which meant that was the last time we talked.
Let me explain to you about college kids because 90% of them are like this. Oh yes they are.
You go to highschool and blah blah blah whatever. Imagine living in a box for 4 years. Then one day it opens to a room the size of a bathroom. More room. Light. More to see. And you think "Ahha! I know so much! The world has opened it's doors to me!" And you've yet to even see the rest of the house.
See college kids go to college and some professor will enlighten them on all the injustices of the world. And they make you think. Oh no, thinking isn't wrong, dear god no! But that's the problem, college kids aren't thinking when they think they are.
They try so hard, too hard, to be seen as "smart" and witty that they just become bitchy douchebags.
They want so badly to be a part of something bigger than themselves. Oh if they lived in the 60s! They could stand up to all the injustices and wrong doings!
But that time has come and passed. So they see crap that isn't there. Protesting bullshit that isnt' wrong. On any level.
There are people who will feed into that. They will believe your act is real. It's a lot of inhaling and holding your breath really. You put on this facade of "I'm smart." I'll wear the clothes, I'll drink my coffee, I'll read and recite from a quote book now and then. Everyone will know that I'm smart.
And when you finally allow yourself to exhale all that hot air out from up your ass will the people who bought into your little guise stick around? Will they really?
Or would you have been a bitchy douchebag for too long?
See, people may not like everything I do or say. But at least I'm not trying to impress anyone, or be some one I'm not.
I hate Poe and think he's for high school students to read and realize that not everything is flowers and sunshine so they start dressing all dark and think boohoo poor me when if they look at it their life is pretty ok.
I like pink sparkley things. Doesn't mean I can't have a deep and meaningful conversation.
I like some songs by Miley Cyrus. And for that I'm going to be stabbed in the heart and be called "fake."
I'd rather raise my kids than pretend to be interested some long ass book that everyone's heard of but not everyone's read. (Yes I have read War and Peace. Boring as all fuck, don't waste your time).
So I just think college kids (ok not all of them! Get off my ass!) get a glimpse of the world and think they know so much. Keep learning, yeah of course! But for fuck sake drop the "I'm sooo smart" act because everyone not blind and stupid thinks you're a bitchy douchebag.
And a fucktard.
Update- just so you know and think it's not just me being jealous because I didn't go to college.
I'm older than Kristy and was finishing college when she was finishing highschool.
Yeah, I went to college.
Sunday, April 26, 2009
Stupid Brady BunchYesterday as I was mowing the lawn I was doing some thinking. As I do while mowing or vacuming. It's probably why like mowing and vacuming- methodically going back and forth having a think.
Anyway- so I was thinking about the Brady Bunch and one of its episodes. The one right after after Carol and Mikegot married and went off on their honeymoon. But they "missed the kids too much."
"Oh Mike! I miss the kids!" Carol said, oh some bullshit like that.
Uuhhh... what the fuck?!
You dumbasses have 6 kids ad you are not jumping at the chance to have one night of noisey sex? Are you insane!?
You have the chance of not having to wait until all the kids are asleep or out of the house and you don't take it?
Ok so Mike Brady was totally gay and didn't like having sex with women but geez! That's no excuse!
You've got 6 kids- 3 each- we KNOW you've had sex before!
And that kind of crap is what I think about while mowing the lawn. Deep, meaningful thoughts to benefit humanity.
Friday, April 24, 2009
You know what I can't stand...... sure, I can't stand dogs. Ew. They lick, the slobber, they're nasty.
And I can't stand parents who give in and give their kids sweets just to shut them up.
And I can't stand it when my nose itches. I miss living in the desert where I wasn't allergic to anything out there.
All those things and more I can't stand, but today I'm gonna yap about one thing in particular.
People who say/type GOD bless.. or in GOD we trust.
Ok, no, I have nothing against God. Your god, his god, her god, that god, yo god, whatever.
I hate the emphasis. Sure, I get it- you're proud to serve the lord and all that- I applaud you for holding true to your convictions.
not really, I mean I'm not gonna clap for you or anything
But the people who just cannot and will not accept that anyone can possibley not put God above everything else. Or even believe he exists.
WHAT!?!?! People don't believe in God?! I know- I was as shocked as you are now!
On the other hand, I too cannot stand the people who are all snotty and condescending and have the attitude of "I'm better than you because I'm not a drone believing in such things as Gods."
But back to my point- if you don't stop the attitude of "in MY America people believe in GOD. In MY America you don't come here illegally no matter what your situation. In MY America...."
Well fuck you. If you can't accept how diverse YOUR America is then get the fuck out and leave the rest of us alone.
Thursday, April 23, 2009
Next Wednesday....I will be in my gyno's office getting the Mirena put in.
Am I excited? AM I?! Well yeah. Not about things being shoved up my cooter, no, but excited for no more condoms and not having to worry about having kids until I say so (which will be in about 3 years fyi).
I know some of you won't like I'm doing this, buuuuut you're not me and don't know our situation. I don't think you should have kids unless you're prepared to care for them in every aspect, and we're not. Not right now. 2 is fine for the moment.
Not forever. For the moment.
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
Most perfect Mothers Day ever...So, Mother's Day is coming up so I figured I'd drop a few hints.
And by hints I mean what my fantasy for the most perfect Mother's Day weekend is.
Let's start by sleep. Yeah... sleep. I'd get to sleep in for pretty much ever. Wake up and have a brunch consisting of strawberries with home-made whipped cream, an English muffin with butter, chocolate soy milk (shut up, I like it lol) a mocha from Starbucks, and 2 sausage links. Oh so perfectly cooked.
Then I'd get to take a nice long shower with OUT having to take one with Paul.
And THEN, and this is the total fantasy, I'd go get to check into a hotel. By myself. With fluffy pillows and bathrobes. And the hotel would have a spa and I'd spend all day there.
I'd eat dinner up in my room- yeah like I'm getting dressed!- and have hamburgers like my grandpa Z used to make.
And chocolate. Lots of chocolate.
All while watching silly girly movies and the latest episode of Lost before anyone else (duh, I said it was a fantasy!).
And then I'd go shopping at Ann Taylor where everything to me would be 10$.
I'd finally go to sleep (after staying up to play video games).
Check out wouldn't be until 3:pm so I could sleep in for ever again.
One more massage before lunch. And then I'd take a nice ride home (pfft, I'm not driving!).
But- and here comes the best part- while Stephen and the kids are at home, the kids were not perfect angels for him. Oh no. I want him to have a full 24 hours of the screeching and whining and pooping and spit up. And on top of it all- the house would be clean.
And then that night we'd play D&D!
So there you go. My perfect Mothers Day. Ahhh wishful thinking....
Saturday, April 18, 2009
Flamba Jamba! Faleep!So after the kids fell asleep (or at least stopped getting up for no good reason) I ran out to Barnes N Noble to pick up a book to read while taking a bath. I can't take a bath with out reading something. It's like being on the computer and not munching something.
Side note- super quick- is there a reason I start blog posts as though we were having a conversation and I had to take a call really quick? I mean seriously... anyhoo
Stephen wanted me to pick up the Zen of Zombie for him- cause he's weird like that and loves zombie movies. Am I the only dorkified person alive who doesn't care about zombies? Or can I not consider myself a dork since I don't care about zombies?
So I ran upstairs to the section Stephen and I lovingly call the "dork section." You know where they sell all our D&D books and crap like that. I walk down the aisle and am slightly pleased to say I had a total Claire moment there.
Heroes watchers (cause really is anyone a "fan" anymore?) you'll get it- the rest of you, I'll explain.
There were 2 guys down the aisle- one was looking at Star Wars books, the other looking at Dragonlance. I go down looking for the Zombie book- it made sense to me it would be in the dork section and not the humor section! Anyway- so out of the corner of my eye I notice them glancing at me and all sorts of crap.
So it could mean a few things:
-1) it was a total Claire moment where Claire (the whiney-ass cheerleader regenerist from Heroes) got a job at a comic book store because all the dorks there were drooling over her.
or 2) and this is more likely- they were staring at me because my fat ass was in the way of some book they wanted to see
or 3) They thought I was a drag queen as only men go down that aisle
or 4) they totally wanted to know where I got my cute new shoes. Black, pointed toe with a kitten heal. Payless for 15.00$
When I couldn't find the Zombie book I ran downstairs to ask Mr. "I have long hair and wear a scarf. I'm sooo intellectual" if he could look up where not only the Zombie book was but where the latest book by Nick Hornbey was.
I love Nick Hornby. I devour books almost as if they were readible chocolate. Only thing is that his books don't satisfy itty bitty orgasm needs.
For some reason the new Hornby book was in the "teen" section near the craptastic oh woe is me Twighlight series. Bleh.
And, like I said, the Zombie book was in the humor section. Or at least it was suppoesd to be- they were out. I'm hoping a zombie didn't buy it in the hopes of getting a one-up on the competition. But that's silly! Zombies can't read!
So thens I hop in the Starbucks line (really the only reason I go to B&N and not Borders- Starbucks) and wait. Not long after do 3 girls get in line behind me. Oh that wouldn't be blog worthy usually- no- these 3 girls were in full on prom gear. Yapping about how they needed coffee so they can stay up and dance- weee!
I make fun, I jest, I roll my eyes- but deep down I'm kicking myself. I wish when it was *my* prom time I would've gone. I wish I hadn't been scared to have my family know that I went out. On dates. I wish I wouldn't have turned everyone and anything down. I wish I had the confidence in myself then that those girls have in themselves now.
On the other hand I do think prom is stupid. I never cared about school dances, pep rallies or any of that other crap- so why care about prom? Why pay a butt load of money on a ticket, a dress, shoes- etc.
But blah- that's all in the past. What matters most is that I got my Nick Hornby book and peppermint tea. Oh and that I still don't really get the whole zombie thing.
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
Ok mamasSo people say you can potty train in a weekend... yeahhh. So what do you do? I mean we've been potty training Paul for a while now and he's getting better- but still he's not there yet.
So are there steps or whatever you're supposed to take? I mean if I can potty train in a weekend what do I do that weekend? Cause several weekends have come and passed here and he's not potty trained yet.
In other news- Sims 3 comes out in June and I will be making the Blogging Bitches household version S3!
Of course now that everyone is leaving their blogs and retiring from blogging I'm not sure who'll be in the house.
Thursday, April 09, 2009
I don't know if it's Karma or the fact that little girls are crazy......but whatever it is history does indeed repeat itself.
When I was in Kindergarten I was the smallest one of my class. I was the smallest one in every class after that as well.
But in Kindergarten pareticular I was itty bitty and always had teachers and parents and such comment to me on how little I was.
Until one day he showed up.
His name was Michael. He had brown hair in a bowl cut. And... he was smaller than me.
I don't know what happened but nature took over and I loved him so much. So much in fact that I had to kiss and hug him. He was crying because I just would not leave him alone. Mr. Smith, our teacher, tried to get me off him. But my lips were like a magnet to his face.
After a while of me constantly attacking him I think he moved to a different classroom or something. Because I didn't see him again. My parents tried to teach me that I don't need to go attacking boys with kisses and such.
But I couldn't help it. It was like dangling the richest chocolate cake ever in front of a starving woman on her period!
So today history repeated itself.
Paul is going up a stage in his Gymboree music class- where I get to drop him off (YES!)
Since it was his first time being dropped off at a class I hung around outside the classroom finishing my book.
Then Ms. Megan (the music teacher) comes out and says "oh I wish you could see this it's so cute and funny..."
Apparently there's a little girl in this class- Emma- who's usually *very* shy and just sits there, but today when she saw Paul for the first time it was love at first sight for her because she was like holding his hands and dancing with him and dragging him around and hugging him and kissing him all over- including all over his lips.
Omg- near the end I had to come and sit in the class just so he could see me because she would *not* leave him alone. I mean I don't think infatuated is the right word for it. So he was a little upset.
But Megan said he did *really* well it's just he didn't want to be attacked like that and it was a little overwhelming for him.
How can I not laugh at that? There I was attacking boys and now my boy is being attacked.
Wednesday, April 08, 2009
I hate politics...I really do. I'm not stupid and don't pay attention- it's not that. I hate "discussing" them. I believe one of the very few reasons to discuss politics is to get someone to change their mind- and since that goes against my own personal beliefs I don't.
I also believe you can let people know how you feel without trying to "change" them.
With that said- some people are all huffing and puffing about Obama's recent overseas trip.
Now, I agree no one should kiss ass- ever. And especially not *just* because a person has power or whatever. I think I would be tortured and killed before I had to kiss ass.
It's probably why I never tried out for America's Next Top Model (ok, that and the fact that I'm short, have adult acne, and don't want to be a model).
I've said it before and I hold true- I believe a Utopian nation is possible and my idealistic hippie type self would like it to happen.
(hippie? Ok, so I'm not stinky, don't have dreds and don't play the bongo drums.).
So I admire Obama for treating other countries leaders as people and giving them respect. Not walking in there all arrogant with the attitude of "I'm better than you."
I hate that attitude- whether it's on a small scale (like I've seen so many women give to the ladies giving them pedicures)*
Or on a larger scale- like politics.
Yes- I do believe we live in the greatest nation right now. I can yap about whatever I want on my pretty pink blog. I mean, come on!
I will never be one of those people who hate living in America but never leave becaues they know deep down it's the best place to live.
But other people, other countries, deserve respect. I believe the last administration lacked heavily in that department.
Being afraid of what you don't know and don't understand is a personal demon in all of us- but it's also in our countries. Not just ours. So we need to be the bigger country and say "hey, I respect you."
But, like I said, I'm idealistic, am a pacifist, and have slight socialist tendencies.
*sometimes when I go get pedicures I watch the other girls there. There are some who the luxury part for them is having someone else pamper them. Someone else "serve" them. Then there are others, like myself, who just like the pedicure. If I could do it as well I'd do it myself
Friday, April 03, 2009
Avi said I could!Avitable told me to go buy something nice.
And since I am such a follower (haha) I thought I better do what he says.
So I'm ordering this.
Notice it's part II! Yeah 2!
I loved the first one. It was pretty classy as far as porns go. Oh yeah, I drink my wine in a box in a crystal glass! :)
Thursday, April 02, 2009
Bullets- kapew pew pew!
Wait wait wait... I forget. This is a group of guys playing role playing games. Not *that* much testosterone there! HA! WE WIN! ;-)
Excuse me while I go shit my pants.