Monday, January 22, 2007
You don't have that much time! Get your nominations in fuckers!While the RFS blog awards are going on all regular posts (including all weekly memes) will be found HERE
Yes yes The Really Fucking Stupid Blog Awards are back.
Before I get to the categories please take a moment to go check out the new RFS Blog Awards website.
While you're there please read the rules before nominating / voting.
On to the categories!
special thanks to Mer' for helping with a lot of these categories
1) Most romantic male blogger
2) Most romantic female blogger
3) Blogger most likely to swear at least 7 times in one post
4) Blogger most likely to blog while on the toilet
5) Sweetheart of the blogging world
6) Blogger most likely to stop blogging in 6 months
7) "The happiest place on Earth!" blog
8) Blogger most likely to get nothing more than a handshake on Valentines Day
9) Blogger that makes you want to say "Oh my god! Quit talking about your S/O (significant other) for 2 seconds!"
10) Blogger of the month
Please either EMAIL me your nominations, or post them in the comment box (below).
I am accepting nominations from now (January 22)
until February 6
Saturday, January 20, 2007
1 Dork + Serious lack of adult interaction =
Shhh! I'm hiding!
OMG you guys. I am a total Hobbit. I can blend perfectly in with my surroundings. Kinda freaky isn't it....
AHH! Attack of the evil Wrinkle dog!
Seriously. Someone come save me....
Thursday, January 18, 2007
This may be the meanest post I've ever made....But I'm mean. Damnit.
My sisters and I can sit there for hours laughing our asses off at people.
Seriously- how can people walk out of their houses thinking that a pair of size 2 shorts looks good on their size 28 ass?
Ok... so I recorded American Idol last night (cause I knew I wouldn't be able to watch it last night).
Were there radioactive experiments going on in Seattle? What other sort of under ground mutant fucks have been hiding out there? And why oh why did they come out of the woodwork for American Idol?
Is this a sign that the mothership is coming and the world is going to end?
It's like... you know how it rains and then all the worms and snails come out from the ground?
Apparently when American Idol comes to Seattle every mutant-like fuck comes out from under their rocks....
I hate this fucking town. I hate old people. I hate BJs (the Costco / Sam's Club around here not blow jobs mind you, heh).
I walk into the bank lugging a big ass diaper bag and a big ass baby seat. There are 2 doors into the bank- one in front and one on the side. I go in the front and as I'm passing the side door a guy walks through it. He sees me. Sees I'm lugging around all this crap, and what does he do? Glances at me, glances at the place we're both going to (that area where you sign our checks and whatever), and walks a little bit faster to cut me off and get there first.
So then I go to BJs to pick up formula (what the fuck? Is this crap made of gold? Jebus! I swear next kid I better produce some friggin milk cause this shit's expensive. But do we qualify for WIC? Noooo... fuck). Anyway. EVERY other store I go to his car seat snaps into and snugly fits into the shopping cart (where the toddler seat is, you know what I mean).
But at BJs the part that goes back goes back a quarter of the way that most shopping carts do. So his seat doesn't fit inside.
Now they do have those carts with the built in seat for infants.
However it's fucking 30 degrees outside- he's nice and snug in his own carseat. I'm not gonna unwrap him to put him in some cold, diseased, carseat. Fuck that.
So I'm lugging him around, and the diaper bag (cause all my crap is there along with his), and trying to lug 2 cans of baby formula through checkout. AND THEN I have to go and show my goddamn receipt to the door person so they can make sure I didn't steal anything. GLAH!
So I'm leaving there and I'm going to turn right. Well this fucking crazy old bat pulls into the lane next to me to turn left/go straight. So I inch up to see. What the fuck does she do? INCHES UP!
4 fuckign times we did this. I swear I wanted to jump out of my car, open her car door and yell "what the fuck are you doing!? Just wait for your goddamn light you crazy old bitch? Why the hell are you on the road in the first place???"
But I didn't. 'Cause I'm nice like that.
Wednesday, January 17, 2007
Speaking of snow....I'm cheating.
But I can explain!
Ok, this week's WBW theme is:
"Do you know the street value of this mountain?"...snow...we're looking for pictures of snow...white, crystalized water, frozen...not THAT kind of snow, the stuff that you ski on or shovel....
But, see, I grew up in
And secondly- I fucking hate the cold and when it's cold enough to snow it's too damn cold to take a camera outside.
I lived in Colorado for a few years- land of snow (it snowed until fucking JULY one year)- and I have no photos of snow there.
I HATE the cold.
So I cheated on this week's WBW.
Here is a fantabulous picture I drew of me in the snow:
Notice the Harry Potter colored hat and scarf.
Notice my boot-ayyyy (cause trust me I have some gadunkadunk in the trunk).
Notice how I'm not having any fun and just standing there going "umm, is it over? Can we go inside now?"
This is pretty much what you'd find me doing in real snow.
Did you play?
Tuesday, January 16, 2007
stupid friggin fracken....I hate cold weather.
Now keep in my mind that I still consider anything below 50 to be fucking freezing.
It's 44 degrees outside and I walked down the road to the gym (which is located in our apartment management office). I bundled Paul up in 2 blankets, socks, a hat, etc.... and I practically running because I think he's freezing to death.
My kids are going to be biggest pussies about weather aren't they?
I'm thinking so....
Saturday, January 13, 2007
I need friends.Actual friends.
Not a computer screen.
I love you guys. I really do. Some of you have been the best blogging friends a bitch can have batting eyelashes.
But I need to be able to run barefoot across the street / hall / town to go over someone's house, Paul in tow, and just hang out.
Of course it would help if I wasn't so damn picky.
When I lived in Colorado and catty-corner (is that how you spell / pronounce that?) to Katy I hauled my ass over there nearly every day for some good old fashioned bitching. And Katy, being the extrovert she is, brought friends to me. All I had to do was hang out on her doorstep like a lost puppy.
Then Stink-Butt and I moved away and I met other Army spouses- and they were nice.
but me being the picky little brat I am didn't further any friendships simply because "It's not the same."
None of the wives here live close enough that I don't need to pack anything to go visit.
My neighbors are jerks so I can't very well run upstairs or down for a visit and not have to worry about taking a bottle or diaperbag.
I need some actual friends.
There's this website (that I can't think of the url or name of) that's like a dating service- only for families. Like to set up play date in your area for your kids. Maybe I'll find a nice mommy to play with.
I wish I had the time and money to go to the little Blog-meet this year.
But I hate Texas... bwhahahaaha jk!
Need I remind you that it's National DeLurking Week?
By the power GreySkull I command you! DeLurk!
Look what Stink-Butt did for me!
He went out of his way to get this photo.
Friday, January 12, 2007
random crap and spfYesterday Paul had his 1 month doctor visit.
He now weighs 9lbs 8oz and is 21 3/4 inches long (for those of you dying to know).
Got his second HepB shot.
That was actually a hoot. the nurse stuck the needle in and the look on his face was one of so much shock that I couldn't help laughing.
My poor baby was laying there on the table in pain and I'm laughing hysterically at him.
But admit it. You've done it too....
I don't know how much more of this getting up thing I can take. I've made up my mind, I'm going to start the long-ass process of getting him to sleep through the night the first week of February.
And yes it is completely for my own selfish reasons.
I need more than 4 hours sleep to be sane.
I don't want him up my ass his entire life. Well actually mine, since I'm guessing I'm going to die long before he ever does
I want to have my arms back.
I want to spend time *alone* with my husband when he comes home.
So February 1st I'm putting him in his crib, saying goodnight, shutting the door and turning on the Sims getting ready for some all night playing. I will, of course, pause the game every 15 minutes to go in there and rub his back so he doesn't think I ran out on him.
If Stink-Butt doesn't buy me a huge diamond tiara for all this he's got another thing comin'!
War zone smore zone!
I'm just kidding! hehe.
Ok, let's get to this week's SPF.
This week Mama Duck and her sassy, naughty self hijacked SPF from Kristine (who hasn't put up categories for 2 weeks. But it's understandalbe considering she's got a lot on her plate right now).
Photo #1: A houseplant- Ok, I have no room for houseplants. I'd like to have them (I love window herbs) but really there's just nowhere to put them. So the closest thing I have to a houseplant are the trees outside my window:
Photo #2: Something you secretly enjoy but bitch about anyway- Everyone who knows me and even those who don't have heard me bitch on and on about boobs.
And even though I don't agree in the slightest with getting a boob job and truly and honestly feel that those who are in porn and such have low self esteem and females are more than that so we should act like it and bla bla bla bla (you've all heard it before).
Truth be told- I
side note- this photo in full also show my preggo belly and is hanging up in my house so I felt it ok to post here
Photo #3: Something disgusting- You want disgusting? I will give you disgusting.
Are you prepared for grossness?
Ok then, click HERE for something truly disgusting.
Hey! You asked for it!
Did you play??
Oh yes. And it's National deLurking Week. Un-Lurk yourself! I demand it! :)
Thursday, January 11, 2007
That's it! I'm shaving my head!Why am I so stupid? Huh? Why must I ruin my hair? First I get a hair cut that is ok looking curly but really is meant to be worn straight.
Do I have straight hair? Or do I have a mop of curls surrounded by frizz?
Uh schyeah it's the latter.
So my sister (and magazines, and the internet) tells me about this supposed kick-ass product that straightens your hair as well as the 600$ salon treatment and is designed especially for non-black girls' hair.
So after looking ALL over town I finally find it, buy it and slap it on my head.
Not only is my hair NOT straight (even after I slapped it on again) it's dry, brittle and puffy. It's like it with a fine-toothed comb when it was dry.
If you have curly hair you KNOW what that does. (if you were stupid enough to try it)
And according to t he box I'm not supposed to wash and condition it for 2 days. But I think I can considering this fucking shit (that was 30 flipping dollars) didn't work.
I finally cut all the nastiness and split ends out of my hair and what do I do? Ruin it with a product that didn't even work.
Anyway- Ok, I have a question for all my mommy bizatches.
I am completely anal (most of the time) when it comes to my routine and schedules and such.
So we were told about this book called Babywise.
We've also heard lots of bad reviews about it- however it sounds like a book right up mine and Stephen's alley.
So have you guys heard of it? Anyone read it / use it?
Thoughts and opinions pretty please. :)
BTW- it's national delurking month. So you- yes YOU- my one loyal delurker. STOP IT!
Why must you torture me?
Quit staring at me!!!
Wednesday, January 10, 2007
Let your ditz shine on through!Before I get to this week's Way Back Wednesday I just wanted to thank all my blogging bizatches for your advice and well wishes and trying to help keep me sane.
What would I do without you guys?
Ok, now onto this week's WBW:
This week's theme is:
"Ah-ha!!!"... it could be argued that I am not the sharpest knife in the drawer to which I have no rebuttal but I was looking at a picture I've seen a zillion times and noticed something new about it. Hence, the "Ah-ha!", so we're looking for pictures with something that didn't catch your att'n the 1st time around.
I'll admit I searched and searched through my photos to find one that had something I hadn't caught before. And on the 3rd go round through them I found the following.
Ok, my Ah-Ha! is really stupid.
I never noticed I was holding a bottle and that my sister and I had little purses matching our outfits before.
I told you it was stupid.... But hey, I never noticed it before!
Did you play?
Monday, January 08, 2007
SO fucking pissedI'm driving home from UPS and I hear gagging from Paul in the backseat. So I'm trying to turn right to go into this gas station so I can check him out. But it's rush hour traffic and everyone in this town is a goddamn selfish asshole who'd sooner kill your mother then let you turn into traffic.
So I just went- they'll get over it- and pulled into the gas station thinking about what I'd say to the cop if one had pulled me over.
His head is all flopped down and to the side (yes I know, baby's head's flop)- he's all red and drool is coming out of his mouth (he's not a big drooler. At least not yet, he hasn't started teething. And no he wasn't pooping). So I grab him up out of the seat and there's this goddamn fucking red mark on his neck where the chest peice snaps.
I am so fucking pissed right now.
On top of THAT- the house is fucking mess. There are 3 huge bags of trash stinking up the place because I haven't had time to take them out.
The cat litter desperately needs to emptied and changed.
The laundry is to the sky full of pooped and peed on clothes (both his and mine).
The skin on his scalp is all flaky.
There's always gunk and goo in his eyes.
There's cat hair everywhere because I have brushed our cats or vacumed in god knows how long.
And fucking ants keep coming in (the other day there was a line one inch thick trailing hte ceiling of every goddamn wall in the apt).
I'm pretty sure CPS is going to come banging on my door first thing tomorrow morning.
Mer'- He does have one of those u-shaped pillows for his head. Unfortunately the way the car seat is supposed to be sitting in it's base (I got it professionally installed just in case I did it wrong) makes his head flop down. It sits up too high. Even the lady who was installing it and showing me how made the comment of "wow, this seems like it sits up pretty high. But that's right. The green is level...."
Cat litter scooped.
Thanks everyone. I really appreciate everything.
Saturday, January 06, 2007
The RFS Blog Awards...Ok, as my brain has deflated and trickled out my ear I need some serious help coming up with categories for the next installment of The RFS Blog Awards.
I want to host it in February so if you want to send in a Valentines Day category, go ahead. If not- no biggie....
I am just drawing a blank so any help will be appreciated (even if you go up to your 5 year old and ask them to come up with a category).
For those of you who don't know what the RFS Blog Awards are- it's the Really Fucking Stupid Blog Awards.
I hold an awards ceremony every other month- and each of the categories are "really fucking stupid."
So if you want to help out- either click the button to your right or email me at email@example.com
I'm bored so I stole this from JD's Rose:
The first sentence from the first post of every month:
January: "Happy new year my pets!"
February: "Ok you guys know that is NOT a political blog in any way, but this is where I come to bitch about some of the things the other side does and says."
March: "Ok, so after I became the young gazelle who wandered into the lion's den (see post below) I've (I keep saying *I* when really it's Karen who's fixing all this lol) been trying to fix all the little quirks and whatnot that I agree should be fixed."
April: "Ok, it's April Fools Day and I've been thinking since yesterday of what to tell you guys as an AFs joke, and then I realized thatI totally suck at AFs."
May: "We didn't want to tell anyone until we knew for sure, but we're at 8 1/2 weeks."
June: "I woke up this morning and went to the bathroom (who doesn't?) and had some cramping."
July: "So since I haven't been around in a week, I'll give everyone a recap. "
August: " cannot think of a single thing to
September: "Today is, so far, going better than yesterday."
October: "I don't accept write-ins."
November: "Prepare yourself... sexy bitch photos ahead."
December: "Leaving in about 10 minutes!"
Things I will apparently never do again....-Sleep for more than 3 hours at a time
-shave my legs
-eat a proper meal
-thoroughly clean the house
-have sex that isn't "quick! before he wakes up!" sex.
-run down the road really quick to get the mail
-go anywhere without packing enough crap for a weekend overseas
-wear make up
Wednesday, January 03, 2007
photos photos and more photosFirst of all, I chopped my hair off:
And some photos from Christmas at my parents:
Oral fixationsI'm finally getting a chance to play WBW!
This week's theme is:
"And the rum is for all your good vices" -J. Buffett...Good or bad, let's see those vices, you know the things you shouldn't have been doing but did anyway? Smoking, using a pacifier, drinking, dancing on a bar....
Now, there are photos of me dancing on top of a bar, and there are half-naked photos of me (ok ok ok, there are fully naked photos of me too)- but I don't have any of them.
Somewhere, out in the universe, old friends have those photos stashed away.
Luckily they're old friends so maybe they've all done some spring cleaning and tossed out those photos.
But the vice photo I do have is of me and my beloved fingers.
Index and middle fingers of the left hand to be exact.
My parents hated it. My mom put chili powder on them (yeah like I couldn't just go wash it off...), she tied the middle finger to the ring finger (seperating the 2)... nothing worked.
Until one day, when I was 12 (yes 12) I was chasing my brother through the house and I fell and a peice of wood got jammed under the nail of my middle finger and it hurt too bad to suck.
And by the time it healed and the splinter fell out (no way in fucking hell was I going to let them yank it!) my fingers grew and they didn't fit right in my mouth.
I shit you not that is *only* reason I quit.
I miss my fingers. They were comforting and relaxing.
I still shove things in my mouth for comfort. Even though it's not those particular 2 I still put my fingers in my mouth (biting my nails, etc).
I have a total oral fixation. Sometimes I'll chew on something and not even realize it (pens, remote controls, etc).
So here I am, on my mom's lap, with 3 of my cousins sucking it up.
I am slowly rennovating (ugh, sp?) my blogroll. Every now and then I shuffle through and take off blogs I don't read that often and replace them with other blogs I don't read that often, keeping my daily reads up. And every now and then I find another blog to add to the daily reads.
Problem is I've shuffled through all of them.
So- if you're a regular reader of my blog and I don't know about you, or if you know of a blog I might like- then send it over!
I need some new reading material :)
Oh, and btw- don't think I won't make good on my promise to send you all of Stink-Butt Jr.'s dirty diapers if you don't vote for me
Tuesday, January 02, 2007
I am way too impatientSo Paulie isn't even a month old and already I'm wanting to let him cry when I shower, or leave the room, or hell even just when I put him down.
I know at this stage, to him, it's like I've gone off and died forever. However I'm a big fan of my kids being independent and self-sufficient (sp?) and not being up my ass all the time later in life.
I'm too impatient though.
I want Stink-Butt home now
I want this kid sleeping through the night now
But that's my problem. I'm afraid if I start too late, it'll be just that- too late.
It's not that I don't want to go and comfort him- I will always be there to comfort him. The difference is in him. I want him to be able to comfort and do for himself later and not rely on me first thing. Our job is to prepare them for the outside world and how is he going to be prepared if we do everything for him?
So when did you start letting go and letting them figure it out on their own?